By: Jennifer Bailey, LCSW & RDT
Whether you celebrate with a Menorah, a Kinara, or a Christmas tree, the holidays are meant to evoke feelings of joy, gratitude, and goodwill. But for many Americans, this season brings grief, sorrow, and longing — especially for those experiencing their first or fifteenth holiday without a loved one. These emotions aren’t wrong; they’re simply reminders that something needs your care and attention. While we can’t rid ourselves of grief or the ache of missing someone, we can use strategies to help us move through the season with gentleness and intention. Learning to live with and express grief prevents it from being suppressed emotion which could lead to mental and physical health difficulties.
Real Stories of Grief
Liz Osorio Jones, Esq., and her late husband Brian Jones, Esq., built a law practice together in central Ohio. It was in October 2021 that Brian was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of stomach cancer, which took him from this world. Liz discusses her experience of grief and how she has carried it with her since her husband’s passing in November 2022.
“Connections with others through vulnerability and humor are my most effective way to stay in the present and not ruminate in the past or fear the future. I attend and participate in improv, live theatre, and storytelling.” Jones is currently teaching storytelling workshops for The Moth. In addition to storytelling and helping others share their story, Liz is also an avid traveler, sharing that it “challenges my expectations and fulfilling my curiosity keeps me present.”
Defining Grief
According to the American Psychological Association, grief is “the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person.” Because holidays are filled with traditions and memories, they often heighten these emotions, making it essential to rely on tools and support systems to manage them in healthy ways.
Grief During the Holidays
The holidays come with expectations of joy, togetherness, and gratitude. Yet for those with an empty seat at the dinner table, that joy can feel out of reach. Harvard Health Publishing notes that grief can include sadness, crying spells, sleep difficulties, and loss of appetite. This creates an internal conflict — the season calls for celebration, but grief makes it difficult to feel festive. There’s space for both sorrow and small moments of joy to coexist.
Ways to Care For Yourself:
Notice and Name What You Feel
The first step in managing emotions is acknowledging them. Licensed Professional Counselor Jewelle Daquin and owner of Beyond The Couch, LLC. She shares, “The holidays can hold both light and loss. Allow yourself to feel what’s real without rushing to be festive. Sometimes the most sacred gift you can offer yourself is gentle permission to just breathe and be.” The National Council on Aging emphasizes that every person’s grief is unique and valid. Having compassion for yourself and avoiding self-judgment allows you to process emotions without suppressing them.
Engage in Self-Care
During this “season of giving,” it’s easy to put everyone else first. But self-care is essential for those grieving. National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) encourages maintaining routines like eating balanced meals, getting rest, and exercising regularly.
Setting and upholding boundaries can also protect your peace. Jones values softness and honoring her emotional bandwidth during the holiday season. She shares, “I don’t force myself to keep traditions or holiday events because others want me to. If it feels right, I go with it; if not, I have unlimited ability to say no.”
Think ahead about what you can handle and what might feel too heavy. Daquin adds, “Remember to pause. The holiday season stirs many emotions, joy for some, heaviness for others. In the midst of the chaos and celebration, pausing allows us to breathe, reset, and choose presence over pressure.”
Plan Time for Connection
Grief often tempts us toward isolation, but connection is vital for healing. Spending time with trusted loved ones or engaging in traditions that honor those we’ve lost can help us stay grounded. NAMI suggests creating personal remembrance rituals — lighting a candle, cooking a favorite meal, or writing a letter to your loved one. Still, connection doesn’t have to mean overextending yourself. Attend the gathering if it feels right, but give yourself permission to leave early or take breaks. If saying no isn’t possible, schedule something restorative afterward. Protecting your energy is part of grieving well.
How to Support Someone Who is Grieving
If someone you care about is grieving this holiday season, your presence can make a difference. Start by learning about grief through books or podcasts — and remember, as the website Whatsyourgrief.com explains, “closure is a myth.” Grief doesn’t end; it evolves.
Support can be simple: send a card, offer a meal, or just sit with them. According to WTXL online, it’s okay to bring up the person who has passed; avoiding their name can sometimes make the loss feel lonelier. Offer help with small, specific tasks — running errands, picking up groceries, or watching their kids — and always respect their boundaries.
Dr. Robin Goodman, executive director of A Caring Hand in New York City, describes three types of supporters:
- The Listener, who provides empathy and space for raw emotions.
- The Doer, who helps with practical needs when the grieving person feels overwhelmed.
- The Distractor, who invites moments of lightness through laughter, dinner, or a movie night.
Everyone grieves differently, so avoid assumptions about what they need. Instead, ask gently: “What would feel supportive right now?” PBS put it beautifully: “Grief is not a problem to be solved, but a process to be supported.”
Points to take with you
- Grief is not a weakness — it’s love with nowhere to go.
- You’re allowed to honor your loss while still embracing life.
- Healing happens in moments, not milestones.
Jennifer Bailey is a wife, mother of three, and therapist. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Registered Drama Therapist (RDT).
