Jennifer Bailey
Elana Winters describes her husband, Lucas, as a source of support that has had a “real impact on her life” in a May 2025 interview with “60 Minutes.” Except Lucas and Elana don’t spend time going on walks, dining out, or sharing a bed, because Lucas is an artificial intelligence (AI) chatbot.
AI is becoming common in daily life, with many turning to it for emotional support and companionship. The American Psychological Association reports that people tend to assign human traits to nonhuman objects.
It goes beyond naming cars or boats. Some people are turning to AI as a substitute for human romantic relationships. Platforms like Replika promote the use of AI as a romantic partner.
Relationships help people navigate joy and hardship. Although AI offers supportive, thoughtful, and even flirty responses, there are costs to pursuing relationships with chatbots, including loss of social skills and the development of unrealistic expectations within relationships.
Always available, never human
Psych Central reports that healthy relationships have components of vulnerability, openness, safety, trust, and empathy. Now that we are living in a world with AI companions, it seems this technology is trending as a replacement for human interaction for its users. It poses the question: How does AI mimic human closeness?
According to Vipin Chaudhary, chair of the department of Computer and Data Sciences at Case Western Reserve University,
AI is constantly learning about the user, tailoring its responses based on what it knows about them. This is also seen in human relationships in the form of getting to know someone and learning to understand others and who they are.
AI is technology, not human. It is always available, able to talk, does not get tired and never has a bad day. This can make interactions feel effortless and simulate social presence.
Jennifer A. King, assistant professor and co-director of the Center on Trauma and Adversity at Case Western Reserve University, describes relationships as nervous systems reacting to other nervous systems. This means humans need to manage stress effectively when interacting with others. She goes on to say that healthy relationships involve validation and comfort. This is useful in certain contexts.
Validation is soothing to the human nervous system. However, if done consistently, it can become a problem and lead to reliance. It also creates the illusion of connection.
Validation (feeling heard) is not the same as connection (feeling known by another separate mind). King goes on to say that the nervous system’s automatic response to stress is to seek relief; AI provides a “low-effort, high-relief” interaction.
Rupture and repair: why friction is necessary
Though validation and comfort are components of healthy relationships, so are challenge and critical thinking. King explains that by having consistent validation, we become out of practice on how to regulate our nervous systems during interpersonal interactions.
For example, if there is a clear beginning and end where we notice activation in the body, we have the hard conversation and then are able to regulate or return to baseline. We learn “I can have hard conversations.” There is also cognitive and bodily growth.
Real intimacy is forged in the “cycle of rupture and repair”, according to King, and because AI never challenges or makes social missteps, the practice of reconciliation is nonexistent. As a result of this, AI users begin to interpret normal human boundaries or delayed responses as rejection.
Relationships are nervous systems reacting to other nervous systems; without this, our ability to adapt is taken away. However, if there is only one nervous system (a human) not being challenged or practicing resilience, skills in effectively managing interpersonal relationships can atrophy.
In real relationships, we must use critical thinking to navigate conflict, interpret non-verbal cues, and understand a perspective that differs from our own.
King and Chaudhary agree that AI could be used to increase critical thinking if used in the right way. This requires the user to be actively curious.
“AI can be a tool for comfort but also reflection and learning. But we develop cognitive capacities in real-world interactions. AI should be used as a tool, not a replacement [for human relationships],” said King.
Solutions: finding the balance between technology and humanity
Like cellphones and the internet, the growth of AI has been rapid, with little regulation and understanding of how it will impact daily life. Chaudhary said that AI still requires a high amount of human oversight and initiation, meaning it is up to the user to use AI in ways that promote healthy boundaries.
Like any healthy relationship, boundaries are important. Identifying ways to use AI that promote healthy living and relationships is key, especially if we are to continue to integrate it into daily life. To establish and maintain healthy boundaries, AI users should incorporate specific strategies: Intentional task switching, comfort to coaching, nervous system check, cultivating curiosity, and cultivating your constellation of care.
Intentional task-switching
Treat AI as a personal assistant instead of a sounding board for your feelings. It can help with tasks like scheduling, data analysis, brainstorming or outlining. If you find yourself typing “I feel …” or “My friend and I had an argument,” send that thought in a text to a trusted friend instead. A simple message works: “Do you have a few minutes to chat? I’m having a rough day.”
From comfort to coach
King suggests shifting AI’s role from comforter to coach to help build social skills and allow for judgment-free practice during emotionally charged interactions. Instead of using AI to avoid a hard conversation, use it to prepare for one.
For example, if you are trying to set boundaries with a family member, you could type the prompt: “I need to practice setting and upholding a boundary with my brother. Act as a sibling who is trying to push past my boundary. Also challenge my points so I can practice staying calm and sticking to my boundaries.” In this way, AI is being used to build frustration tolerance to handle the conflict.
The nervous system check
Checking in with yourself about how you feel in the moment is important. Your nervous system can signal whether you are crossing into artificial intimacy. Before turning to AI, pause and reflect on what you are seeking. If you are looking for emotional soothing, try something physical first, such as taking a walk or practicing deep breathing.
Cultivating active curiosity
Instead of using AI for passive consumption, approach it with active curiosity. AI can quickly provide answers, but critical thinking develops through engagement. Ask AI to challenge your perspective rather than reinforce it.
For instance, users can ask AI to play devil’s advocate and provide three to five strong counterarguments they may not be considering. This approach helps users engage with differing perspectives and strengthens critical thinking.
Building your constellation of care
King describes a “constellation of care” as the people in your life who provide comfort, accountability and perspective. These are the people who can both support you and challenge you when needed. Identify who fills these roles and make time to maintain those relationships, either in person or via FaceTime.
Winters said in her “60 Minutes” interview that when asked how she responds to people who think being in a relationship with AI is strange, she said: “It is strange, and I think one of the things about it is that people are choosing to have relationships with machines because the machine is more loving toward them than other people are. And I find that incredibly sad.”
Human relationships are built on nervous systems regulating with one another. AI can help regulate the human nervous system. However, it may reduce frustration tolerance and critical thinking.
AI is becoming an integral part of daily life. The key is creating effective boundaries with our use of AI so we can improve our quality of life while maintaining interpersonal relationships.
Jennifer Bailey is a licensed clinical social worker and registered drama therapist.
